Men are from Whittleton, Women are from Papuchia
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Link really didn't understand this whole marriage thing. Then again, in light of the Spirit Tracks disappearing, Princess Zelda becoming a ghost, and being pitted against a demon lord, not understanding was par for the course these days.


**Men are from Whittleton, Women are from Papuchia**

"Mmm." Link took a bite of the mango and held it up in front of him. "Want a bite?"

If anyone had been watching the royal engineer at Papuchia's train station, it would have appeared as if he'd been talking to the air. However, no-one was watching him. There weren't any people at the train station, period. But even there had been, they wouldn't have seen the spectre of Princess Zelda III of New Hyrule hovering in the air above the engineer. Nor would they have heard her say "that isn't funny."

"It's a little funny."

"No, it isn't."

Link took another bite. "I get to eat this delicious mango while you get to watch on. I'd say that's funny."

"No, it's cruel."

Link shrugged and took another bite.

"And I'd like to remind you that when I get my body back and defeat Malladus, it would be well within my power to stop you eating mangoes ever again."

Link paused before taking a bite this time. He doubted that Zelda really had the power or inclination to do such a thing, but it didn't seem best to tempt her wrath. Besides, being a ghost went both ways. If she wanted to go full poltergeist on him, there was precious little he could do.

"Does it taste good?" she asked.

He looked up at her.

"The mango," she said. "Does it taste good?"

"Um…" He picked his words carefully. "It's fine."

It wasn't fine – it was succulent and delicious, better even than the mangoes in Aboda, but saying that would go beyond teasing and enter actual cruelty in his mind.

"Oh," Zelda said, sounding disappointed. "I'd have just thought that mangoes would taste better."

Link blinked. "You've never had mango?"

She shook her head. "Chancellor Cole didn't approve it. Didn't think princesses should eat mangos. Too common."

"Too common?"

"They're not the kind of thing you need to eat with a knife and fork."

"…oh."

Link didn't pretend to understand the ways of the royal family. Even Cole limiting the princess's diet didn't make much sense, unless mangoes were somehow the key to stopping Malladus (if they were, then New Hyrule was as good as saved already). He wanted to ask why Zelda hadn't simply demanded a mango be sent to her. The trip from the coast to Hyrule Castle meant they'd lose some of their succulence, but better that then nothing at all, right?

"So," Zelda said. "Think they'll be happy?"

But then, he had an idea why Zelda hadn't asked for mangoes. Or the right to see more of her kingdom. Or anything else.

"Link?"

He couldn't even blame her. He didn't understand how the future ruler of Hyrule had let that happen, but-

"Hey! Listen!"

Link spun his head around towards the spectre hovering above him. "Pardon? Who?"

"Them," Zelda said, nodding her head to the side. "Them."

Link tried to follow her nodding, but "them" could mean any of the people of Papuchia beyond the train station. "Zelda, who are you talking about?"

" _Them_ ," she said, still nodding her head to the side.

"Just point them out."

"Point them out? Do you have any idea how rude that is?"

"Princess, no-one can see you but me."

"…oh." Zelda's transparent hands tried to smooth her transparent dress. Quickly giving up on that fruitless endeavour, she pointed a translucent hand to non-translucent people. " _Them_."

Link followed the hand, and quickly realized who she was talking about. "Oh. _Them_."

"Yes. Them."

'Them.' As in, the Whittleton chief and his new bride. When Link had set out to save New Hyrule, he hadn't expected to use his train as a matchmaking service, but Zelda had insisted, and what with her being the princess, he'd had to obey. It had taken many trips and many tries, but finally, he'd found the right match for…for…

 _What is her name anyway?_

Somehow, that had never come up. But, hey, the chief had found new love, his bride had found new love, and more of the Spirit Tracks had been restored as a result somehow.

"So, what do you think?" Zelda asked, causing Link to look up at her. "Do you think they'll be happy?"

He shrugged. "Dunno."

"You don't know?"

He threw his hands up in the air. "I don't know. I don't know anything about this…stuff."

Zelda frowned. "You don't know anything about the most pure, most beautiful, most-"

"Listen, I'm sure you've read far more books than I have, but my understanding of marriage is that there's usually a longer period between the bride and groom meeting and marrying."

"Well, maybe, but-"

"As in, longer than four hours."

"…okay," Zelda said, putting a hand to her chin. She forced a smile. "But they'll be happy, right?"

Link shrugged. "I guess?"

"You guess?"

"Princess, why do you even care?"

She didn't answer. She just looked away, and instead of following her gaze, Link turned his to the chief and his bride. Both of them were laughing. Both of them were drinking from the same coconut, and both of them were headed for the same fish stall. He supposed they looked happy, but who was he to say? He'd never known his parents. True, there was at least one marriage in Aboda a year, but he'd never really "got" what was going on until a few years ago. His first and only love had been trains. If people wanted to get married, that was their business, but he was in no position to comment on it.

"Come on," Link said to Zelda. "We should be off."

"Hmm?" She looked back at him. "Oh, yes. Of course. Cast off and all that."

 _That's boats,_ Link thought. He tried to imagine himself on a boat rather than a train, and for some reason, could imagine that quite well. At least for a second. Because the second after that, he asked "are you alright?"

"Fine," Zelda said, trying to smile.

"No, you're not."

Boats and trains could wait.

"I'm fine, really."

"I'm not launching off until you tell me the truth."

"I am telling the truth."

Link folded his arms. Part of him was enjoying this…but only part. The other part of him felt sad. Because Zelda looked sad, and for some reason, that made him feel sad as well.

"It's just…" She sighed, the sound being more like a whistle than the movement of air through lungs. "I was just thinking about marriage." She must have seen Link's eyes widen, because she quickly said, "I mean, of course that's way, way, _way_ in the future from now, and it's hardly relevant to what's going on now, but…"

"But?" Link asked.

"I was just thinking about how quickly they got married," Zelda said, gesturing towards the chief and his wife, now arguing over what type of fish to get. "How they already seem so happy."

Link didn't think they looked happy, but he trusted her judgement.

"I mean, my mother loved my father, but that was a marriage that was planned years in advance, with the two of them barely knowing each other," she continued. Her eyes were low, and so was her voice. "So, I mean, I could get lucky, but…but…"

"But it's not fair that some people can marry who, how, and when they want?" Link asked.

She nodded.

"But aren't you the future queen?" he asked. "Who's to stop you from doing what you want?"

She laughed. "Oh Link, that's so sweet of you."

He frowned – he didn't like being called "sweet." "Sweet" was what old ladies without grandchildren called him, not children his own age. But not wanting to dwell on that subject, he said, "I'm serious though. What's stopping you?"

"The law, for one thing," Zelda said. "Tradition another. My grandmother didn't get to marry the person she wanted to, but she did her duty anyway."

"What happened to her first love?"

"No-one knows. People say that after having his heart broken, he sailed away from New Hyrule, never to return." Zelda sighed, turning her gaze away from the village, and to the sea beyond. "She never said much about him. Course I barely knew her before she died, and I didn't really understand it then, but now?" She looked back at Link. "I know this might sound presumptuous, but having travelled around the kingdom, I think I understand a lot more now."

"I don't think that's presumptuous."

She smiled in turn, and this time, it wasn't forced. "It isn't?"

"Well, I figure that fighting demons and helping people are part of what it takes to be a good ruler." He smiled. "And hey, don't worry. Once you've got your body back, and once I get to be a proper royal engineer, I'll bring you all the mangoes you want."

"That's so sw…" She paused. "That's very kind of you."

Her words sounded genuine. Sad, but genuine. Part of Link wanted to press her. But the other part held him back. They'd been travelling across New Hyrule for weeks, but it felt more like months, and those months were just short of feeling like years. He was getting older, and already, he was hating it. Hating the knowledge that once Malladus was defeated, everything would go back to normal. She'd be Princess of New Hyrule, he'd be a royal engineer whose life would consist of going from point a to point b, occasionally point c, but little else. The life he'd always wanted, but now, a life so far removed from what he was doing now, he could scarcely imagine it.

"Anyway," Zelda said. "Shall we go?"

Link nodded. He watched as Zelda disappeared as she always did before they left, and gave one last look at the chief and his wife. She was carrying the coconut, he was carrying a swordfish. Whatever argument they'd had before, both of them looked happy now.

He hoped they stayed that way.

* * *

 _A/N_

 _God damn I hated the whole "find the woman in Pappuchia a husband" quest. As in, not can Link not transport more than one passenger at a time, but I had the misfortune of choosing the Whittleton chief last. :(_

 _Least with the other Spirit Track train rides I know exactly where to take them, how to keep them happy, and keep myself in check from yelling "I'm shooting at monsters you ingrate, stop complaining about my driving!"_

 _Anyway, drabbled this up._


End file.
